A friend visited me last week.


She has seen me at my worst and still loves me.


She encourages me, and has the ability to point out my blind spots, like no one else.


She brings out the little girl in me.


And the passionate world changer.


We did a lot in the nine days she was here.
We walked across pipes.


We hung out with my little brothers.


We laughed a lot.


We did crazy stuff I'd never done before.


We discussed deep theological issues with our brothers.


We treated each other like sisters.


She got along great with my friends.


She brightened each day with her cuteness.


She is my hug from God, my sister, my fellow world changer, my friend.

I miss her.
I hope she comes back soon.

Women In Leadership

Leadership is defined as the ability to affect human behavior so as to accomplish a mission. It is influencing a group of people to move towards its goal or achievement. Leadership is a powerful tool that can be used for immense good or evil. It is valuable to understand the proper place of leadership as designed by God.

There is a position of leadership held by all believers, women as much as men. We are the called out ones, ordained by God to set the example for the world, the bearers of the image of God. This concept indicates a leadership role that no one can say is to be carried only by men. All believers are given the Holy Spirit, (2 Corinthians 1:21-22,) are joint heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17,) are God's coworkers (2 Corinthians 6:1,) are ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-20,) and are seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6.)

Scripture gives clear direction on various positions that are not appropriate for women. I Corinthians 14:34 says, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.” I Timothy 2:12 says, “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” Clearly there are times and places where women are not to exercise a position of leadership. God has made evident that He desires women to be under the protection and authority of men.

Authority and leadership are not synonymous. It is not always necessary for a leader to have authority; often the leadership of the influencer is more effective than that of the authority. In my opinion, women thrive best when they exercise leadership under a higher authority, a support role, not in the highest position of authority. This gives them protection and direction, but also allows them to exercise their unique talents. While men are the head of the home, the wives and mothers are the ones to set the mood. Submission to authority gives women freedom to flourish in the leadership positions delegated to them.

For a godly woman to lead by their lifestyle is non-optional. Micah 6:8 clearly states what God desires of all His children: to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with the Lord. What better leader could be found than one, man or woman, who follows these commands? I believe that deference must be exercised in considering the question of women in leadership. Authority and appropriateness will play a large part in determining when and where a woman should lead. The Holy Spirit has been given for the express purpose of leading us, as believers, into all truth and I am confident that He will offer specific guidance in this issue.

Musings on Leadership

I've been doing a large amount of thinking (and writing, incidentally) on this topic of late. Being a team leader at our ice cream shop, being the responsible party at home, and having to write an essay on the topic has prompted many new thoughts. I'll share just a few of them tonight. I'd love any feedback!

"Once accepted, leadership is not something I can take on and off as a coat. I find I hold, hidden in some corner of my being, a strong belief that I am entitled to breaks. It seems unfair that once I have accepted, or possibly been forced into, a position of leadership I must bear it the rest of my life. However, a beautiful truth comes into play as I contemplate this struggle. I often see the grace of God as only needed at certain times of life, in specific circumstances. As I recognize my huge responsibility to always live in a manner worthy of imitation, I catch a glimpse of the true sufficiency of God’s grace – not only for certain moments but for every moment. This is a much larger scale than I ever imagined.

In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, the great lion Aslan explains to the four newly crowned rulers the solemnity of their position. He says, “Once a king or queen in Narnia, always a king or queen. Bear it well, Sons of Adam! Bear it well, daughters of Eve!”

In Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life Donald S. Whitney states that “Discipline without direction is drudgery.” So I ask myself, “Why am I a leader? What do I want to encourage others to follow?” I can think of no better goal than Christ likeness. I long to be able to say with Paul “Be followers of me as I am of Christ” (I Corinthians 11:1.)
Leadership is an incredible responsibility, yet also an enormous privilege. As a called out and set apart daughter of God I cannot escape it. May I bear it well, as Christ is my strength."

Penguins, Boys, and Other Happy Things from My Life

In honor of the graduate


Skittles from Grace


My desk


My monkey


A rediculously funny picture


Friends on a sunny day


What everyone calls "The shovel picture"


Prospectors



I still can't look at this one without laughing. My guys are the greatest.

You're Bigger!

Have you ever gone back to a place that was special to you when you were younger, and which you had not visited for many years? Did it seem the same to you? Or did you find it smaller? Less magical? So often that is the way it is. After we grow up and return to a special childhood place we see it differently. We are bigger, thus it seem smaller. We are more knowledgeable, thus it does not seem as incredible.

It is not so with our God. As we grow and learn more of the world He does not seem smaller, weaker, or less magical. C. S. Lewis says it like this in Prince Caspian:
"Welcome, child," he said.
"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."
"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

Is that not a thrilling thought? Instead of our God seeming smaller and less magical as we grow, He grows as well. Not because He is changing, but because we understand more of Him.

In View of Eternity

I have struggled with questions about health. Contemplated God’s reasons for allowing His children to suffer for prolonged periods of time. I have asked this question numerous times before, and each time the Lord has given me words of comfort - always a slightly different perspective, always a new view of His character.

Recently I found myself asking again. How could this possibly be for His glory and our best good? As I sat on my bed, crying and questioning, the Lord gave me some verses. They have come to mean even more to me as I have thought on and prayed over them.

2 Corinthians 4
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

An eternal perspective. A lifetime seems oh so long, especially in the light of pain and illness, until we view it in light of eternity. What is seventy or eighty years compared to infinity? This is how long we will live perfect lives, apart from our frail bodies. Can we not endure anything for a lifetime? Knowing that it is preparing us for eternity?

It is ok to not know why. We don’t have to know why the Lord does thing in order to trust Him. If we seek to know everything, we will be filled with pride… Remember Lucifer? We do not have to understand in order to believe that something will work good in us eventually, nor do we have to see that good now.

So I remain content to trust my all-knowing, all-powerful God. I rejoice that He finds me, and others, worthy to suffer for His sake. I relish the knowledge that “We have not a High Priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities.”

God is faithful.

A conversation with myself

“Beloved, now are we the sons of God…”

Um hum. That’s nice.

“…and it doth not yet appear what…”

Wait a minute. Back up.

“Now are we the sons of God.”

Incredible.

Children, descendants, of…. God? Wow.

The legacy of deity.

The manifestation and representation of the Holy One.

The “only Bible some may ever read.”

Is this just a bit scary to you?

“Beloved, now are we the sons of God.”

The Covenant of Joy

My vow:
Whatsoever Thou sayest unto me, by Thy grace I will do it.

My Constraint:
Thy love, O Christ, my Lord.

My Confidence:
Thou art able to keep that which I have committed unto Thee.

My Joy:
To do Thy will, O God.

My Discipline:
That which I would not choose, but which Thy love appoints

My Prayer:
Conform my will to Thine.

My Motto:
Love to live, live to love.

My Portion:
The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance.

Teach us, good Lord, to serve Thee as Thou deservest; to give and not to count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to ask for any reward save that of knowing that we do Thy will, O Lord our God.
~Amy Carmichael

May it be so with me.

"And You Mourn"

I replay the words over and over in my mind. “You wait, and ask God how to love them,” she said, “and you mourn.”

A friend came over for lunch today. My mom, brother and I all sat around the table with her and talked. We talked as we have not in a very long time. We talked about dancing, about God’s will and planning our lives, about asking questions and about faith.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, as we were jumping from subject to subject, I asked a question. “How do we love God? How do we accept His love through people without becoming too attached to the people themselves?” These are questions I have asked with tears at many points in my life. They have many names attached to them. The answers seem just as illusive as ever. How attached am I supposed to be to people? Why is it that I love people so much but they don’t seem to want to be around me? How can it be that a close friendship so quickly dissipates and suddenly we find nothing to talk about? Why do I still care so much? Why does it hurt so much? Little by little I have learned to not be so devastated by these losses, but I still ask the questions, and yes, I ask in tears.

Today I was confronted by puzzled looks and cocked heads. “What is wrong,” I was asked, “with becoming attached to people? God shows us His love through them, and we show our love for Him through them as well.” I paused in confusion. Long ago God shattered the belief that I wasn’t supposed to depend on people because I only needed Him. He showed me that He uses people to give Himself to me. Still, was I not supposed to detach myself from the channel, and only cling to the One who was pouring Himself through them? Today I was given a different picture. I was told that we are to love the people God places in our lifes, and that love is never without attachment. Hmm.

Then we moved on, talking about what we should question and the right and wrong ways to question. We finally cleaned up lunch and my friend went home. But my mind was still back on the subject of loving people. “Mom, did you mean that it is impossible to become too attached to people?” She paused, “Well, I lean heavily toward that. Of course, it is wrong to smother them, or to be so wrapped up in them that you exclude the other people in your life. But I do not believe we can love people too much.” The tears gathered in my eyes as I asked, “Then what are we supposed to do when the people we love push us away or do not have time for us, or no longer seem to need or want us?”

“You wait, and ask God how to love them, and you mourn.”

As I turned away to hide the tears flowing down my face I pondered that thought. Was it ok after all that I cared so deeply? Was it truly right for me to delight in the friends God has given me and to desire for them to delight in me as well? Was this not an expression of attachment to the “things of the world” as I had feared, but rather an expression of loving and being loved by God?

It is good to love. And it is ok to mourn! It is good to mourn. This rings true in my spirit, but my heart still aches and wishes for an easier answer. And so it often is. Yet, what freedom!

“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:12

A Little Sunshine

As I sit here, feet in the dirt, back to a tree, sun on my face, I cannot help but feel that I am loved and that the life stretched before me will be a beautiful adventure. Yes, God is good, for how could He be otherwise and have planned for me such a satisfying moment in time?

It’s amazing the difference a little sunshine can make.

Look Up

Lord, I am missing You today! It seems like You have been this ever present thought at the back of my mind, over my shoulder, an expectancy toward ‘later.’ Not always conscious, but always present. It’s kind of like You are waiting silently for me to take a moment and look up and see You smiling at me. Maybe You’ll invite me out for coffee. But I go on, too busy, tired, or distracted to actually look up. Sure, I know You are there, and will often address a comment or question to you…

But oh! If I would only look up!

May Haman Rot

Welcome to the Feast of Purim!
Please come on in and have a seat.



Thursday night we celebrated the courage of Queen Esther and God's protection of His people. We dressed up, served Jewish food and even sang a song in Hebrew.

Did you know that Pur means 'the lot' and refers to the lot that Haman cast to determine when he could annihilate the Jews? Did you also know that during the reading of the Book of Esther, each time Mordicai is mentioned everyone cheers, but any time Haman is mentioned everyone is supposed to boo and hiss?



As I reviewed this remarkable story I was struck by the supernatural intervention that is evident in every aspect, even though God's name is never mentioned in the book. I see Him in the little things:

• Accidental eavesdropping that lead the discovery of a murderous plot
• A sleepless night
• Reading from a random part of a random chronicle
  
• Seeking advice from whomever happened to be in the outer court

These 'little things' have the handwriting of God all over them.




The purpose of this dinner was for the teens to interact with the seniors of the church. Each teen was assigned to wait on a table. Because I am no longer in the youth group I got a special table.


Dessert: Haman's Ears or Hat or something... it tasted good anyway.
















Then there was the clean up... Men in dresses doing dishes. I'm sure I'll never see it again. But that is one thing I love about our youth group - everyone is a good sport, does what needs to be done, and has a blast in the process. May God continue give our teens a heart of service... even if it includes dressing up and doing dishes.

“Roads are for journeys, not destinations.”

My life stretched before me, full of possibility, full of impossible situations where God would show up and wow the world. I was sure of it. I lived in confidence that my God would do what He said He would do. He would be glorified. He would complete the work He had begun in me. He would show Himself strong. He would show the nations that He was God and they were but men.

Then something unfathomable happened. God did not come through for me. I came up against a situation I was unable to deal with and God did not answer my cry for help. I knew it couldn’t be His fault – He is God after all. But I didn’t know where I had failed. It happened again and again. Thus began over four years laced with confusion, questioning, desperation, and hopelessness.

Today, as I look back over my journals, I see an incredible journey unfolding. My helpless frustration resulted because I was looking for the end result too soon. I could not see where my road was heading. I felt I was floundering helplessly. But I was wrong. My goal should not be to live a perfect Christian life, but rather to know my God and delight in Him. This gives me a whole new perspective on the road I travel. I am no longer trying to get somewhere as quickly as possible. (Not that I was ever sure exactly where I should be going, and this was a huge frustration.) God is teaching me to wait on His timing. Roads are for journeys, not destinations.

This journey is a peculiar one. I am beginning to see just how little the outcome depends on me. I am seeking to know God and I find it to be the easiest and the most difficult pursuit in the world, for I am discovering that God is not waiting on me to figure Him out but rather that Scripture states I am to wait on Him. The more I find myself to be nothing the more I stand it awe at all He is. The idea that I can, by some great assertion of my will, discover God or live in a manner that pleases Him is truly laughable.

I still often find myself shrouded in confusion. Many times I cannot see God in the situations around me. I cannot fathom how He can be willing or allowing the pain of His children and the triumph of evil. In these moments I cling to the faith that He has been strengthening so beautifully. If He has always been good before, will He not continue? He promises that His ways and thoughts are not only different from mine, but higher.

I am reminded of Elizabeth Elliot’s book “These Strange Ashes” where she tells the story of her first difficult year as a missionary. At the end of the year she looked back on four huge losses and next to no apparent gain. Yet looking back she says this,

“Each separate experience of individual stripping we may learn to accept as a fragment of the suffering Christ bore when He took it all. “Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” This grief, this sorrow, this total loss that empties my hands and breaks my heart, I may, if I will, accept, and by accepting it, I find in my hands something to offer. And so I give it back to Him, who in mysterious exchange gives Himself to me.”

“And so it often is. Faith, prayer and obedience are our requirements. We are not offered in exchange immunity and exemption from the world’s woes. What we are offered has to do with another world altogether.”

We are not of this world. Yet how quickly we become consumed with it and how painful we find the loss of its joys. If we would only turn our eyes to Jesus and look full in His wonderful face we would find a perspective altogether different from the one we know and, may I say, far superior because it is the perspective of the One who can see all of eternity in a single moment.

So I walk on, hand in hand with the King of the universe, no longer straining my eyes for a glimpse of my destination but relishing the journey. My God, Jehovah, has most beautifully lead me. Will He not continue to do so?

“Roads are for journeys, not destinations.”

It makes me happy.