“Roads are for journeys, not destinations.”

My life stretched before me, full of possibility, full of impossible situations where God would show up and wow the world. I was sure of it. I lived in confidence that my God would do what He said He would do. He would be glorified. He would complete the work He had begun in me. He would show Himself strong. He would show the nations that He was God and they were but men.

Then something unfathomable happened. God did not come through for me. I came up against a situation I was unable to deal with and God did not answer my cry for help. I knew it couldn’t be His fault – He is God after all. But I didn’t know where I had failed. It happened again and again. Thus began over four years laced with confusion, questioning, desperation, and hopelessness.

Today, as I look back over my journals, I see an incredible journey unfolding. My helpless frustration resulted because I was looking for the end result too soon. I could not see where my road was heading. I felt I was floundering helplessly. But I was wrong. My goal should not be to live a perfect Christian life, but rather to know my God and delight in Him. This gives me a whole new perspective on the road I travel. I am no longer trying to get somewhere as quickly as possible. (Not that I was ever sure exactly where I should be going, and this was a huge frustration.) God is teaching me to wait on His timing. Roads are for journeys, not destinations.

This journey is a peculiar one. I am beginning to see just how little the outcome depends on me. I am seeking to know God and I find it to be the easiest and the most difficult pursuit in the world, for I am discovering that God is not waiting on me to figure Him out but rather that Scripture states I am to wait on Him. The more I find myself to be nothing the more I stand it awe at all He is. The idea that I can, by some great assertion of my will, discover God or live in a manner that pleases Him is truly laughable.

I still often find myself shrouded in confusion. Many times I cannot see God in the situations around me. I cannot fathom how He can be willing or allowing the pain of His children and the triumph of evil. In these moments I cling to the faith that He has been strengthening so beautifully. If He has always been good before, will He not continue? He promises that His ways and thoughts are not only different from mine, but higher.

I am reminded of Elizabeth Elliot’s book “These Strange Ashes” where she tells the story of her first difficult year as a missionary. At the end of the year she looked back on four huge losses and next to no apparent gain. Yet looking back she says this,

“Each separate experience of individual stripping we may learn to accept as a fragment of the suffering Christ bore when He took it all. “Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” This grief, this sorrow, this total loss that empties my hands and breaks my heart, I may, if I will, accept, and by accepting it, I find in my hands something to offer. And so I give it back to Him, who in mysterious exchange gives Himself to me.”

“And so it often is. Faith, prayer and obedience are our requirements. We are not offered in exchange immunity and exemption from the world’s woes. What we are offered has to do with another world altogether.”

We are not of this world. Yet how quickly we become consumed with it and how painful we find the loss of its joys. If we would only turn our eyes to Jesus and look full in His wonderful face we would find a perspective altogether different from the one we know and, may I say, far superior because it is the perspective of the One who can see all of eternity in a single moment.

So I walk on, hand in hand with the King of the universe, no longer straining my eyes for a glimpse of my destination but relishing the journey. My God, Jehovah, has most beautifully lead me. Will He not continue to do so?

“Roads are for journeys, not destinations.”

It makes me happy.