Treasured Reverence

It started out so simply.
God started telling me that there were some things that were getting in the way of my effectiveness and relationship with Him. He gave me things to cut back on... time on the phone with my dear friends, "my time" to unwind and chat and surf Facebook, etc. He said that I was too scattered, that He wanted my focus to be here at home.
I could handle that, in fact I agreed.
Then we took it a step farther and a couple friends and I decided to declare the month of August scared to God. We made a list of distractions to avoid, as well as a list of things we wanted to put extra time and energy into such as prayer, studying out some issues we had questions about, time with God, and time with our families.
I was excited about it. I so wanted God to show up in an amazing way as I eliminated distractions and truly dedicated my time to seeking Him. I started asking God to teach us faith, allow us to experience brokenness, to take away all attachment to the world, and to have His heart for others.
I meant it. I wanted Him to do big things.
And then He did.
And that was when it got hard.
He asked me to give up the one thing that I am most attached to.
That's like Him, isn't it? To take us at our word and give us what we ask for? I know that He wants me to be set apart to Him even more than I do.
But... oh, it hurts.
But I still say yes. I still ask Him to push forward. It's come to the point of closing my eyes and simply hanging on for dear life, trying to ignore the emotions. Gritting my teeth and begging Him to cut deeper... and to do it quick before I chicken out again.
That part from Tozer's book that I shared in my last post has so challenged me. I do not want to allow anything to take the place of my God on the throne of my heart. That seems so much more horrible than simply backing off on things that were cutting down on my effectiveness. But that is the reality of it. I am realizing how many time the pronouns "my" and "mine" show up in my vocabulary. And those are the things God is asking for.

I open my hands.
Take them, Father, take them.
I want YOU more.
.... And please make me able to bear it.